Settling Into My Happy Spot

Most of the time if you hear of someone "settling" on a partner, a new job, or a new home, one might automatically think of "settling" as something negative. As if the person didn't try hard enough to get a job they really wanted, they didn't spend enough time and energy researching for that perfect home, or compromised and settled on a partner that wasn't equivalent to let's say, Brad Pitt or [insert your favorite Bollywood actor here]. I'm sure many of us have seen or heard quotes like these: "Life is short, never settle" or "Settling is giving up, don't ever settle" -anonymous. Lately, I'm not sure that "settling" is necessarily a bad idea. Hear me out...

I consider myself to be a highly motivated person and although, I've spoken about my indecisive nature several times, I can also be very stubborn once I put my mind to something. But as I get older, I'm learning that there are a lot of things I'm willing to settle on and I'm much happier doing so. For example, I'm happy settling on a house we can afford that I know meets 80% of the requirements on my checklist. This allows me and my husband the luxury to travel around the world versus spending more time an energy searching for that "perfect house", which will probably end up being way above our budget! In the end we wouldn't have any time or money left to do the things that really make us happy. I guess this same analogy can be applied to any other area in our lives as well. So, is settling a bad idea?

Pondering on this question a little longer then brought me to my next question: What is the difference between compromising and settling? Interestingly, when asked Mr. Google for an answer (as I go to him for answers to everything), I was brought to this article. And I think the following statement I read in the article is really helped me clear things up: "You compromise on your wants, but you settle on your needs". For example, I don't know of any relationship that has worked without some compromise on both ends of the parties involved (business or personal). Because everyone has their own set of wants and since everyone can't get everything they want, there is always a need for compromise. In the long run, one can be happy without all of the wants on the list, because in the end they are just wants - not necessities! However, one can not be happy with a majority of one's needs. In terms of a relationship, I think it's important to remember, that there is no "Mr. Right" or "Mr. Perfect". There is only the "Mr. Right for you!" or "Mr. Perfect in your eyes!" and that's all that matters. I don't think anyone should "settle" for someone who may not meet majority of characteristics on his/her checklist. However, if you forget to differentiate between your list of wants and your list of needs, "Mr. Right for you", might just pass you by. I think this quote below really sums this up nicely.

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I think in my eyes, Life is too short, not to settle. And settling doesn't have to mean that you've given up. I think settling and compromising is a part of life and are important steps to helping one find inner peace and happiness. Don't get me wrong, however, I also think that doing so shouldn't keep you from striving to reach for your goals/dreams. If your goal is to strengthen your relationship with your partner or someone important to you, I think you must first settle and be at peace with where you are currently and then work on taking steps to make it better. If your goal is to get a better education and go further in your career, you can still be settled and happy with your current job, while working towards that goal at a pace that works for you. If you don't find happiness in the present, then the negative thoughts or feelings make it harder for you to be positive and work towards your goals. Just because you are settled in your most appropriate spot right now, doesn't have to mean that you are stuck in that spot forever!


What are your thoughts on settling?